Author Archives: Chris

All Black Everything

FYI: My avatar been blacked out since I joined Twitter in 2007. #SOPAhipster

• #custom#photo

My mattress cover shrank. But my mattress didn’t.
That’s not very dope.

Told me keep my own money if we ever did split up
How can something so gangsta be so pretty in pictures?

— Jay-Z (“That’s My Bitch”)

• #music#quote


From yesterday’s walk to Cloud Seven Cafe in Northwest Portland

• #photo#portland

The view outside my balcony

Compared to this moment 11 months ago...

  • Amanda: is it hailing/sleeting then or snowing?
  • Chris: i‘m from california. hail, sleet, snow, whatever. ICE son

• #amanda#chat#photo#portland

Tatyana sent me a screenshot of her waiting for me to connect on FaceTime…

(She’s probably the only person who has me down as ‘Christopher‘ in her address book.)

  • Tatyana: Work on the speed.
  • Chris: Ha. I accepted, it just didn’t connect.
  • Chris: Work on your battery. It’s pitiful.
  • Chris: Irresponsible negligence to let it get that low.
  • Chris: Careless insouciance! This tells me a great deal about your overall character and attitude towards life. I’m rethinking many things.
  • Tatyana: It went down from all the texting, fool. Also the photos. How many did I send… Stop hating, you hater.

• #chat#photo#tatyana

I just signed a contract using Comic Sans for my signature. That’s how we do it in the big leagues.

  • Justin: tell them you want to add a revision, then rainbows and lens flare.
  • William: Very unprofessional.
  • Chris:‎^ Shout out to William who has to deliver that contract to his HR department. Sorry.
  • William: Hah, I had to be like, “Thats his signature! WHAT!?’

• #chat#design#justin#william#work

Usually I eat the hearts of those who post my pictures without permission. But the little dried thing in your chest would only slowly kill me from within.

— Alienman in response to my previous post containing photographic evidence of her existence

• #alienman#chat

Daisy in Taiwan

  • Daisy: That shit was X-ray
  • Chris: LOL
  • Daisy: Dammit iPhone
  • Daisy: Cray*
  • Chris: that's like when your mom tries to use slang...

• #chat#daisy

Phases

The faces of Seyoung Money when she's at work

Working from The Hazel Room in southeast Portland.

• #alienman#photo#work

Acknowledgements

Thank you to everyone who cares to spend their hard earned time with me. Really. I won’t forget it when I’m famous.

  • Phil: You got some balls, kid. I’ll give you that much.
  • Tony: You’ll give me what I tell you to give me. And I’m not a kid.
  • Phil: Relax, it’s an expression.
  • Tony: Well here’s another expression: You got five days to give me my money.

— From an episode of The Sopranos

• #quote#tv

Overheard

Happy hour at Clyde Common in downtown Portland

Amanda enjoys her beverage from a tiny cup

Had an amazing time yesterday catching up with Caleb, who found his way to Portland for the first time.

During a 12 hour wandering tour of downtown, we got ourselves some coffee (Cloud Seven Cafe), lunch (Kenny & Zuke’s Deli) and drinks (Clyde Common, Bailey’s Tap Room, Portland City Grill and Life of Riley) while accumulating a posse, one straggler at a time. In order of appearance: Justin, Amanda, Jackie, Zack, Dorinda, Corey and Mary.

Now to share some out of context quotes for entertainment purposes only…

“I had no idea I was not going back to work today.”

— Justin

“I have a rule about prostitutes”

— Amanda

“Fuckin dubstepper stole it.”

— Jackie

“Pretty much everyone who gets their dick cut off deserves it.”

— Dorinda

“For my hipster statement of the day, I’d like to say…”

— Justin

“We are the 1%.”

— Justin

“It looks like a wet shit in a glass.”

— Amanda

“I already drank an entire pint of Santorum. DRINK IT!”

— Amanda

• #amanda#chat#custom#justin#photo#portland

I went from the favorite
To the most hated

But would you rather be underpaid or overrated?

— Jay-Z (“So Appalled”)

• #custom#music#quote

The other year

  • Jessica: did you get my duck sauce picture
  • Jessica: the other day
  • Chris: where’d you send it?
  • Jessica: text
  • Chris: “the other day” as in November 16?

She was only two months off. Not bad! (Although that’s squarely in 2011.) It’s good to know I’m not the only one who has a poor concept of the unit of time known as the other day.

• #chat#jessica

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