Found the one good YouTube comment: “My girlfriend asked me who Biggie Smalls was. Now I’m single.”
I’m convinced there is a circle of hell saved just for me that consists of exactly what is happening right now forever.
— Daisy goes shoe shopping
- Daisy: At the dentist
- Chris: Hope everything turns out well. I’ll bug you for updates after I get some
- Chris: Some sleep. Get some sleep.
- [later…]
- Chris: How was Gothenburg dentist?
“I chose to keep that autocorrection for how ridiculous it was” sums up my entire iMessage experience with Daisy.
- Jill: seems like you pretty much just use apple products, fanboy
- Chris: hey, it has been a full 12 hours since I last bought an apple product
- Chris: fine, I just checked. make that 10.
- Jill: for realsies?
- Chris: ... yeah
- Jill: lmao
Who needs her? My new Retina display laptop won’t make fun of me…
Moment of silence: Letting my very first dot-com expire. Registered in 1999, when I was 13 years old.
I get the worst email solicitations at my record label address. To keep faith in humanity, I tell myself I’m being trolled by comedic geniuses.
- Harry Shearer: I went to UCLA.
- James Lipton: And what did you study there?
- Harry Shearer: Political science. But the real answer to your question is, “as little as possible.”
— From Inside The Actor’s Studio with the cast of The Simpsons
- [Daisy, an illustrator, is working on her portfolio...]
- Daisy: What should my descriptive tag line be?
- Chris: “When I draw, you’ll be pushing daisies.”
- Chris: It’s too bad you don’t rap, you could totally use that. Maybe switch careers?
- Chris: Or something about drawer and underpants. Everyone likes underpants.
If you or anyone close to you has an important question they’d like a shitty answer to, be sure to contact me right away…